The champion coach

A LONG time ago, Awan Abakna got hold of a boxer that had an incredible record of 100 wins against not a single loss.  The boxer’s last 97 wins came by way of knockout.  His first three wins were unanimous decisions only because the boxer took pity on his opponents too weak to continue fighting decently in the 12th and last round.  All three got beaten black and blue in the first 11 rounds.

The boxer was an amateur, God’s wondrous gift to humankind.  He won his 100 amateur fights without a coach.  Now that he was turning pro, he felt he needed one.

“Why did he go to you,” someone asked Awan Abakna in the presscon. “You are not a boxing man.  You are a basketball animal.”

Awan Abakna said, “I may not be a boxing man, but as a basketball buff, not to brag but I have achieved something quite incredible already.”

Awan Abakna was being modest. His record as a basketball coach was superb: Like the boxer, he also won all his first 100 tournaments.  On his 101st tournament, his team placed second only because he had sore eyes during the best-of-five Finals.  His doctor advised he couldn’t go to the Biggest Drone arena, else he would contaminate his players, not to mention his 12 water boys (in those days, each player had a water boy).  So, in three games, Awan Abakna watched his boys on TV get plastered to absorb his first championship loss.

After his first defeat, Awan Abakna vowed never to rub his eyes again with his hands unclean a couple days before a title showdown.

But once the next tournament came around, Awan Abakna bounced back mightily – sweeping all 19 games to again barge into the Finals.  Then he scored a 3-0 sweep to regain the spotlight he was used to occupying.

Then came the unbeaten amateur boxer knocking on his door.

“Sir, please coach me?” said the boxer.  “Many have applied for the job.  I turned them all down.  It is only you I desire.”

“Why me?” Awan Abakna asked the boxer.

“Because you are a champion coach, Sir,” said the boxer.

Blinded by success, Awan Abakna agreed, defying even the counsel of his friends not to coach the boxer.

 In the boxer’s first professional fight, he lost.  He got knocked out in the first round.

In the boxer’s second fight, he lost.  He got knocked out in the second round.

“We are improving,” said Awan Abakna.

In the boxer’s third fight, he lost.  He got knocked out in the third round.

“I am quitting,” said Awan Abakna.  “I’m going back to basketball coaching.”

 Disgraced, the boxer also retired.  He joined Awan Abakna as one of the team’s water boys.

 What was the boxer’s name again?

 Sorry, I don’t remember.  That was a long time ago.

                   *   *   *

ALL IN   Manny Pacquiao as coach of Kia Motors in the next PBA (Philippine Basketball Association) season is a done deal – almost.  Pacquiao is transforming from boxing man to basketball man.  Here’s hoping for the best for PacMan – and also to Demosthenes “Bobby” Rosales, the virtual Kia overseer in the company’s foray into uncharted territory.  You have my prayers, fellas!...Happy birthday today to Kuya Biley Antonio R. Mendoza.  Cheers!

COMMENT DISCLAIMER: Reader comments posted on this Web site are not in any way endorsed by Manila Standard. Comments are views by readers who exercise their right to free expression and they do not necessarily represent or reflect the position or viewpoint of While reserving this publication’s right to delete comments that are deemed offensive, indecent or inconsistent with Manila Standard editorial standards, Manila Standard may not be held liable for any false information posted by readers in this comments section.